Here’s something personal about me: I overthink everything. When it comes to decisions, I feel paralyzed. Should we go to this bar or that bar? Should I reply to that text with a “lol” or will a simple emoji do the job? The thing is, few decisions in life have disastrous consequences if you make them haphazardly. Everyday choices are complex because we have access to an overabundance of options. That’s fine when you have to pick a cereal at the supermarket, but some decisions in life have a tremendous impact on your overall health and happiness.
Of all the decisions we agonize over—jobs, moves, lunch orders—only three really matter: what you do, where you live, and who you’re with. The first two are incredibly important because they determine the opportunities you’ll have and, weirdly enough, the person you end up with. But in this article, I’d like to focus on the last one, which I think is the most important.
Single people think being single is the worst thing that can happen to them, but that’s not the case. Being in a bad relationship is worse than being single. That said, being in a great relationship is the best thing that could happen to you. So if you think about it, being single isn’t that bad. It’s like hanging out in the airport lounge of love—nothing’s boarding, but at least there’s Wi-Fi. I know people who are happy being single, and I don’t judge them. They probably have a lot of people around them doing that already. I don’t get people who want love but won’t leave the house, or at least download an app.
How bad is being in a toxic relationship? Being in a conflict-ridden relationship leads to chronic stress, mental health decline, and physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, sleep disorders, and muscle tension. Many people rush to decide whether to be in a relationship. But the dangers of being in a bad relationship are underrated. Few choices in life will make you as miserable.
Nurturing and supportive relationships, on the other hand, literally heal you. You’ll live longer, experience less stress, adopt healthier behaviors, and experience improved mental health. This is why it’s so important to get this decision right, or why you don’t want to get it wrong. So, in the same way people ignore the dangers of being in a bad relationship, we tend to overlook the benefits of good ones.
Here are some random facts about being in a relationship:
- You’ll spend thousands of hours hearing how their day went. Most of it will involve people you’ll never meet, like “Cheryl from HR.”
- 40 to 60 vacations together. I guarantee one will be ruined by a stupid fight, such as choosing Apple Maps over Google Maps.
- Hundreds of hours watching shows neither of you loves, but both are too tired to veto.
- Dozens of fights about dishes, bins, and who “always leaves the lights on.”
- A lifetime supply of shared group chats with their cousins, coworkers, and weirdly, Cheryl from HR again.
If you’re with the wrong person, every little thing gets amplified. Let’s say you meet someone. You think they look great, they smell nice, have good taste in clothes… But maybe she sounds like Kermit the Frog. Maybe he sounds like your sleep-deprived GPS. Either way, imagine that voice narrating your life… forever.
Chasing love alone is reckless because, despite what Disney movies and pop songs have conditioned you to believe, it’s not the only thing that matters in a relationship. Love, on its own, isn’t enough. Some aspects of a relationship are far more important than love (such as respect and trust), but we tend to ignore them.
Choosing the right person is like choosing your operating system. It powers everything else. Make the wrong choice, and no matter how good your job or your house is, your life will lag, glitch, and eventually crash. In other words, this is a decision worth agonizing over. As we’ve seen, a relationship lasts around a decade and over two decades if you’re lucky. I know articulating this idea to others won’t be the most romantic thing you can say. But since this is so important and it’ll have ramifications beyond your wildest dreams, you want to think about it. It makes sense to wait at least a year before deciding if you want to spend as much as the rest of your life with the other person.
In the end, love isn’t just butterflies and matching playlists—it’s your life’s co-pilot, co-founder, and occasionally, your tech support. Choose wisely. Because once you boot up with someone, reinstalling your system isn’t always easy… and it rarely comes without data loss.